Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Nurture vs. Nature and Get out of the House
Very often people have asked how is it that we go everywhere and do everything with our autistic child. Sometimes we’ve discussed that our son’s sensory and behavior issues aren’t severe enough to prohibit such outings while other’s tell us “Nonsense” it’s how you’ve raised him always doing these things and pushing him forward. Nurture vs. Nature: the age old debate, most likely some sort of intertwined relationship. I see typical children who don’t know how to behave in restaurants or whine their way through Disney World.
Long before the diagnosis, we went to parks, zoos, play-places, malls, restaurants, and traveled on airplanes. We’ve been to Disneyland and Disney World as well as other amusement parks like Great America and Bonfante Gardens. We go to the beach, aquariums, children’s museums and jumper houses. And yes, our son has some sensory issues as well as fear and apprehension with new places and stimuli.
My suggestions (for autistic and typical children alike):
Take your children out into the world and show them and expose them to as much as you can. Tips for taking your child out to new play places, zoos, malls, amusement parks etc.
Tip#1) Early Early Early, go when it’s least crowded -right when it opens (aka 9-11 am). It’s easier to adjust and explore quietly. Leave when things start getting busy and chaotic. If after many visits, your child likes and is comfortable in the surroundings, you’ll find them being able to tolerate more crowded conditions.
Tip#1.1) This also applies to restaurants. To avoid long waits for a table, eat lunch between 11:30-12:00 on Saturdays and Sundays. Alternatively, find non-crowded places. Children don’t do well with long waits (me neither).
Tip#2) Bring a typical friend/playdate. This is probably most beneficial at those play places that have those giant tubes, slides, climbing areas that are too small for adults. Follow the leader works great.
Tip#3) If possible, visit multiple times in a short span of time. This allows familiarity to sink in. Experience breeds confidence.
Tip#4) Visit the website. My son loves to surf the web. Go to websites and look at photos, maps, descriptions and stories about where you are going. Prepare as much as you can in advance so he knows what to expect and the place is more familiar. Print out photos to look at.
Tip#5) Advanced notice. We’re going to Great America next week. We’re gonna go on rides and see shows and have lunch. We’re going to Great America Saturday morning. We’re going to great America Tomorrow... you get the idea. Be repetitive. Make a schedule if your child likes schedules.
Tip#6) For restaurants, choose places that are kid friendly (menu and atmosphere). Chains are usually great. Our kids love Cheesecake Factory, California Pizza Kitchen, Applebees, Fresh Choice, Red Robin, and TGI Fridays.
Tip#7) And most importantly when taking any child to a restaurant: they need to be hungry. Limit snacks on days you are going out to eat. Hungry children spend their time eating not misbehaving.
Tip#8) Allow your child to just “observe”. Sometimes, they just want to sit and watch for a good while, before they want to join in. This gives them time to adjust and feel comfortable. Find a nice quiet bench with a good view.
Tip#9) If you can sense apprehension, talk calmly and describe what is going on or is going to happen.
Tip#10) Make sure your children know what kind of behavior is expected when you are out and about.
Places we like (Bay Area ideas, maybe you have similar places near you):
local parks
local library
even the local Mall
Postscript:
I believe in authoritarian parenting. We, the parents, make the rules. It is not a democracy. Especially with very young children. Children, with an age in single digits, do not necessarily require explanations or debate. Sometimes “I said so” is all the reason they need. Negotiating with children is an age old parent trap.
These rules do not change because your child is autistic. Now don’t think me heartless. I believe there are rules for the parents to live by as well. You should not push your child passed their limits. Whether it be hunger, fatigue, sensory or cognitive. You need to try and keep the stress level for your child as low as possible. However, don’t mistake bad behavior for stress. It is often not the case.
