3 Kinds of Sheltering

by James and Joy Marie Dunlap

Home schoolers are often accused of sheltering their children as if that were a terrible thing. Let's look into just how "terrible" sheltering is by exploring different kinds of sheltering.

First, let's take the issue of physical sheltering. Is it detrimental to children to shelter them physically? Suppose your child makes up his mind that he is going to ride his bike on the freeway, just for fun. But you, having an inner urge to be a sheltering parent, stand in his way and don't even let him enjoy the experience once! Is this a travesty, or is this the only decent thing to do as a parent? You tell me!

The same holds true if a child who can't swim wants to go canoeing or rowing alone, without a life jacket or without supervision. The same holds true for a toddler who wants to play in the street, or a four year old who wants to use the stove or a sharp knife, or a teenage daughter who wants to go for a walk alone, at night. In all these situations, any decent parent would agree that sheltering is necessary and good, and in fact, that any parent who didn't shelter their children by protecting them from harm in these and many other areas was a seriously neglectful parent and may be guilty of child endangerment.

But when it comes to spiritual dangers, our society wants us to let the boy ride his bike on the freeway (after all, he has to learn how to use the freeway someday!) or the toddler use the stove, or the teenage girl walk alone at night. What does this tell us? It tells us that while our society does indeed see the need to shelter children from physical dangers, it is hostile to the same level of protection in the spiritual realm. We can conclude one of two things. Either they simply don't see the spiritual dangers and how far reaching that damage can be, or they love sin so much that they can't stand to see its influence curtailed. Take your pick. But don't be fooled by the accusation that spiritual sheltering is harmful to any child!

There are so many influences in our culture that can cause a child to stumble. Seeing too much skin and too many sensual advertisements, and then being left to unsupervised dating is going to inevitably lead to a problem with immorality to one degree or another, whether that be a teen pregnancy or impurity before marriage, a pornography addiction, or "just" sensual thoughts (which Jesus said is the same as adultery as far as he is concerned). In any case, there can be long term affects that are well worth avoiding through sensible sheltering.

With shocking school shootings in the news, people are asking, "What could have gone wrong?" It is incredible how many people are saying naively, "It couldn't be the violence kids watch on TV. It couldn't be the violent video games. It couldn't be the violent music! It couldn't be the lack of restraint in our society. So what could it be?"

I am not surprised, with all these examples of media violence set before the eyes and ears of American children, that there are children shooting up their schools. I am more surprised that it happens so seldom, considering the kinds of influences these children are under on a daily basis through the above mentioned media. But even when children are gunned down and killed by kids who were exposed daily to violence saturated media, our society is not willing to shelter their children morally. Not even then!

People wonder why their kids rebel. But they won't shelter them from rebellion causing influences. They wonder why kids get in with the wrong friends and then develop an ugly attitude, but they still won't shelter their kids from bad company, which the Bible says corrupts good morals.

I don't know what it would take to convince most American parents of the need to shelter their kids spiritually so that all these things don't damage their outlook and attitudes for life. But I do know that I have the freedom to shelter my children, and nothing will persuade me otherwise, because I have seen the tremendous happiness and well-being spiritual sheltering brings to the lives of my children.

But let's explore yet another kind of sheltering which modern American parents do seem to accept readily. Billy goes into the kitchen, opens up a peanut butter jar and a jam jar, gets them all over the counter, leaves the jars and the bread bag open, and the milk out of the fridge to spoil, and runs off to play. Mom cleans up after him. The situation is repeated in the bathroom, in the living room, and in his own room. Billy stains up his clothes. Mom fixes it. Billy carelessly breaks his toys. Dad buys him replacements. Billy fails to do his homework. Mom makes excuses for him. Billy shoves his sister out of the way to get past. Mom excuses his behavior. He is "only in a hurry to play with a friend."

When Billy grows up, our society wonders why he won't take any personal responsibility, risks accidents to cut in front of other motorists, and gets violent when another car leaves the parking lot ahead of him. Sheltering children from personal accountability is an insidious kind of sheltering that our society actually encourages, to the serious detriment of children (and the adults they become) all over America. And yet they tell us that to shelter our children from evil and immoral influences is wrong and unwise??

The next time someone accuses you of being negative or detrimental to your children's lives by sheltering, talk to them about these three kinds of sheltering, and put the whole issue back in its proper perspective for a change!

You may make a copy for a friend. Permission is granted to publish only

in full (don't omit or edit anything), and only with this notice included:

Family Discipleship Magazine, a quarterly Christian publication.

Write to James Dunlap, 2586 Pampas St., Orange, CA 92865-2116

for current cost of sample / subscription, or e-mail to: familydiscipleship@disciples.com