MILESTONES, EVENTS AND JUNK THAT MADE ME WHO I AM

• Trapped in a vestibule for 2 hours at age 3 which explains my inability to play baseball

• Publicly humiliated in the kindergarten schoolyard for wearing “girl’s shoes”

• Lost for a day at the Seattle World's Fair

• Had first romantic dream at age 7 about my teacher Mrs. Janowitz

• Publicly humilitated in 5th grade after spitting up on Ludeene George

• Won 1st place in both prose and poetry at 6th grade writing contest

• Overcame my fear of shots the hard way

• Voted “Most Talented & Neurotic” of my high school senior class

• Had the best “shag” in college

• Became a Broadway Baby at 23

• Voted a lifetime member of The Actors Studio

• MIA for most of my 30’s

• Wrote and co-produced my first kid's vid

• Found the perfect dog and named him Yogi

• Co-founded charity event that WILL cure kid's cancer

IMPORTANT THINGS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME

• Never eat blue food

• It doesn’t matter how you feel, it’s how you look that counts

• Don’t wear house slippers in public

• Go ahead and talk to strangers...unless they’re really strange

• Sweater vests only make you look fatter

• Money can’t buy you happiness but who cares as long as you have money

• Irony is funny

• Don't ask unless you really want to know the truth

• Relax, you’ll grow into it

• Always stand in line and wait your turn, who do you think you are anyway?

IMPORTANT THINGS I LEARNED BY MYSELF

• No one looks good in short sleeve dress shirts

• The truth does not set you free, it just makes you very unpopular

• Distance divided by rate equals time (I just memorized that)

• If you want someone to call back, take a shower

• The “good old days” were good cause you weren’t old

• Some people are better off drunk

• If you can’t be cool, you have to be really nice

• Being normal is nothing to aspire to

• Life is random at best

• Dogs are Angels on earth

 

 

MY LIFE PHILOSOPHY AS WRITTEN BY DR. SEUSS

“If you have not tried these things, you should.  These things are fun, and fun is good”