Alone?
You can't see me,
You don't know me,
It's impossible for you,
To even show me,
Show me an inch of kindness,
Show me your heart beats,
Let me gaze upon this sea,
Show me your safe retreat,
Where you went to hide,
Shelter from this turmoil,
In a field of evergreen,
Upon a virgin soil,
In a land of bittersweet,
With no one to halt your descent,
For a place to run to,
Where you can pretend,
To hide your heart,
And your crystal tears,
But your eyes are mirrors,
And they're all to clear,
Sorrow knows their depths,
Bitterness has swam their shallow pools,
And loneliness has grazed their fields,
But now left alone in a crowd of fools,
Alone to fend for themselves,
To ward off all in spite,
Left alone to gaze at tomorrow,
And left still to brave the fight,
Your eyes,
Alone,
Will you find peace?
Alone,
Will you find love?
Alone?
© September 4, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Don't Call
All alone again,
But feeling better,
I write my thoughts to you,
Send them off in a letter,
Then they are gone,
Don't have to dwell on them,
To bad you had to stray,
You were in some ways, a gem,
But now you call,
I don't feel much like talking,
Don't want to hear those things,
That started me walking,
Now I'm gone,
And you're there alone,
So don't cry for me,
Don't call on the phone,
You're evil now babe,
Addicted to a spoon,
Hope someday you get your freedom back,
Maybe later than soon, Good-bye.
© September 17, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Holigrays
The holidays draw near,
And you're far away,
It seems so strange to be alone,
I sometimes dread the coming days,
The colorful lights,
The Christmas cheer,
That we shared in the past,
Are no longer here,
And the past just melts away,
I remember we always had a time,
Shopping and decorating,
And merriment we did find,
But I still think I can,
Go through the holidays,
With the feeling of peace,
Knowing it's really a birthday,
Of someone of peaceful gesture,
A man who's righteousness,
Washed away all the wickedness,
Whose heart possessed,
All that anyone would need,
To feel self secure,
And gentle hands did guide,
To turn away Lucifer,
So with his wisdom in my mind,
I pass this holiday again,
When the thought within my mind,
Is peace on earth and goodwill towards men.
© October 16, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Lost Love
Thinking of you again,
You just don't seem to leave,
The very depths of my mind,
I still can't believe,
That you were so insecure,
That love came to pass,
I thought we had it all,
And that it would last,
All we had were dreams,
Dreams that were smashed,
Pulled down and drowned in the sea,
On the rocks dashed,
We could have had more,
If you would have broken down,
Our love could have began,
Instead of my leaving town,
So I ask you why again,
I ask you for some understanding,
And found love again,
Instead of all your demanding,
Again I feel sad,
For our love lost,
For the good times and bad,
And feelings torn and tossed,
Good-bye for now my lost love,
I wish you the best in everything,
From now until eternity,
Just remember by your wedding rings.
© October 2, 1989 Rod Arbogast
My Kristine
I woke up this morning,
And your side of the bed was cold,
The cigarette ashes in the ashtray,
Have grown long and cold,
You're gone again somewhere,
And your pain still grows,
I'm a man who still cares,
And a man who knows,
Like a lover needs love,
Like a builder needs a brick,
When it got too thick, you ran away,
My Kristine,
And your pictures on the wall,
Sometimes still make me cry,
And the pain still resides,
Behind these blue eyes,
It took a long time to see,
How our love drifted away,
And still longer to know,
It will not return someday,
In my madness at you leaving,
I found a sanctuary,
Inside I grew more strong,
And lost all that was weary,
I grew to meet a new dawn,
And your smile still haunts me,
I know that you're in misery,
My Kristine,
As I lay here in tears,
Waiting for you to return,
I know that you need to grow,
And you also need to learn,
That a man is just a man,
And a lover understands,
That your heart is still for me,
My Kristine,
And you cry again to me,
And your tears are lost in vain,
Was it all worth it now?
Was it worth all this pain?
When all is said and done,
And our love is still strong,
My question to you is,
How much growing and how long,
Because a lover needs love,
And a builder needs a brick,
When it got to thick,
You ran away,
My Kristine,
Why did you run so swift?
Why did you have to go?
Just because I was down,
You didn't have to stoop so low,
And your smile stays with me,
And your eyes still are here,
I hear the tremble in your voice,
I see the sorrow in your tears,
Why did you ever have to go?
Was it by forces unseen,
You didn't stop to say good-bye,
My Kristine.
© September 2, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Pathetic Calls
What are you looking for?
Someone to pay your way,
Someone to treat you right,
Or just someone to betray,
You're going nowhere,
In your fantasy land,
When you reach out to me,
I'll pull back my hand,
I know it's over,
No chance for resurrection,
I know you're really gone,
You've lost my protection,
Where are you going?
Into a dead end,
You still love me so,
I can't pretend,
That you're still my life,
Now you're in Hell,
Where have you been?
What have you to tell?
It's over now,
And you're out in the cold,
You're going to be lonely,
When you grow old,
So alone in your misery,
So alone for eternity,
With no sense of direction,
And no time for correction,
It's over,
You're alone,
All I do,
Is hang up the phone,
With no good-bye.
© September 10, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Short Good-byes
Good-bye my love,
You couldn't hold on,
To our dreams,
Now they're gone,
Like a day,
Of sunshine,
You've lost,
All of the love that was mine,
It's all just yesterday,
Can it be fading?
Yes, it is, but a dream,
And yet pain no longer remains,
In the silence of today,
Yesterday I screamed,
But tomorrow,
Holds new promise,
Of life again for me,
In a land of love and bliss,
And you have lost,
This game that we played,
You've lost all that was,
And you stay the same,
With no one to blame,
But your stagnant self,
And the people you now admire,
Who you think will keep you safe,
I'm not waiting for you,
Or your empty lies,
The time has come,
For short good-byes.
© September 10, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Stagnation
It's growing stagnant,
This love affair,
There should be more it seems,
And more I should care,
It seems to be going nowhere,
This thing of the past,
I really should set you free,
We really did move to fast,
Where there was mystery,
All is known to me,
How much longer should I bear?
This thing that holds me,
I should feel high,
But I feel bound,
Not going anywhere,
Just standing around,
I know your love is true,
But that's not how I feel,
It's just not real to me,
Love not being sealed,
An endless cycle,
That I feel I have to end,
Sooner or later,
I just can't pretend.
© September 13, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Thief
I've been a fool for you,
I've been down this road to long,
You've used and taunted me,
And weakened all that was strong,
You've tried to wreck my very life,
Tried to ruin all my soul,
I start to be my own again,
Not live in a toilet bowl,
Live to the sun and stars,
Live to see my being grow,
Love my life and live it too,
Laying down the seasons of old,
You spit venom in my eyes,
To make me blind,
Your harsh words burned my ears,
Tried to steal my very mind,
Somehow it doesn't matter now,
That you've done these things to me,
Because you are but a child inside,
How plain this is to see,
A child hurt, a child frowning,
A soul tormented, a soul drowning,
A little girl who taunts and teases,
Uses lies to get what she pleases,
Down the drain,
Our love goes,
Into the sea of stench,
Outward it flows,
Like a piece of shit in the sewer.
© August 27, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Why?
Today you made me cry,
Yesterday a tear rolled down my face,
I tried but no one came along,
That could truly take your place,
Your beauty was so crystal clear,
Your eyes like diamonds shone,
Now the tears are all yours,
And your left so all alone,
Do you feel pain inside?
Knowing what mistakes you've made,
Knowing that I'm really gone,
Out of the heat of your hate,
Into a sea of ocean blue,
Into a land of paradise,
Where love lives on in me,
And pain lives only behind my eye,
People drift in and out of my life,
Like you they're gone for yesterday,
Tomorrow holds a new sunrise,
To be bathed in the suns rays,
Why did you let it happen?
This shedding of our love,
Was it meant to be this way?
In heaven above,
You left me alone in misery,
Somehow I found sanctuary,
Somehow I found a new life,
Without all the pain inside me,
And again I ask why?
Why did it happen?
Why?
© August 29, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Yesterday Has Gone Away
If I could change time,
I don't know that I would,
You would be the same,
And that would be no good,
I've changed a great deal,
And all for the better,
It's been 2 months,
Not even a letter,
Too many phone calls,
Telling me you're not alone,
Sick of hearing your woes,
So I hang up the phone,
You try and hurt my feelings,
But yourself it is hurting,
Looking for someone special,
Looking for something,
Something you'll never find,
Something out of your reach,
While your mind is drifting,
Drifting on me,
Why don't you stop calling?
I didn't want it this way,
But still you try and hurt me,
It's got to stop someday,
You've got to face my leaving,
Live on your own,
Look at yourself in the mirror,
And know that you are alone,
So don't cry today,
Don't cry for the days,
Of yesterdays happiness,
Yesterday has gone away.
© September 10, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Love To Hate
Distended stagnation,
You're being irate,
What do you want from me anyway?
I have given you love to hate,
Shatter my soul with your hatred.
© 1996 Rod Arbogast
I Fled Insane
Your eyes of green,
Shine like emeralds so bright,
Your lips of pink,
So soft, how they ignite,
The very nature of desire,
My desire for you is the same,
I've been longing for your hand,
I go insane at the mention of your name,
You've helped me become,
Who I am today,
I'll never forget this feeling,
The memories they help it stay,
How can you stay in hell,
When you've seen how heaven can be,
I'd rescue you, but I'd die,
That pit you're in is too much for me,
I know you love me true,
But you seem to be alone,
Can't you break the chain?
That connects you to the stone,
Bury the hurt one more day,
Buy your time on the mirror,
I wish you wouldn't conjure death,
I can feel it getting nearer.
© March 16, 1992 Rod Arbogast
I Miss The Confusion
I miss your deep blue eyes,
I miss your soft low sighs,
I miss your voice in my ear,
I miss you so, sweet dear,
Why, why did I think you were mine?
I haven't grieved yet for the lonely time,
Your pictures bring the rain,
Your pictures bring the pain,
A pain of misunderstanding,
Of why we couldn't be,
A misunderstanding of life's ups and downs,
Now that I am me, I realize how you brought me down,
I've never met anyone so far,
Who made me feel like you did,
But the sea is full of life so deep,
That I realize you shouldn't have hid,
I gave until I almost became a slave,
I may have ran away from an early grave,
Good-bye,
Good-bye,
Finished,
End of chapter.
© 1992 Rod Arbogast
Passive Day
I'm sitting in my bedroom,
Waiting for an instigation,
Just a touch from my lover,
On she reads to my humiliation,
Does she get the message,
That she can touch me too?
I think she expects me to start it,
And I'm waiting to see it through,
She can touch me like I do her,
With a fire in her caress,
I don't know what she's waiting for,
If she'd ask me I'd say yes,
I don't tell her because I shouldn't have to,
I don't think she understands how I feel,
I feel like I'm a toy to satisfy,
The deep insatiability she feels,
I beginning to feel like I don't want to do this anymore,
She's got her hand on my crotch,
I don't see this as being content to me,
Have we left something behind as together we closed the door.
© November 11, 1994 Rod Arbogast
Phoenix
Life is worth living once more,
Now that I have shed my sins,
Trees are green, sky a blue,
Now that I have shed you,
You were my love,
You were my life,
You're my lost love,
My first wife,
Breaking chains,
Falling aground,
Golden bands,
Rising are found,
On a new hand,
The one that's gone,
The ashes blow away,
Time to ramble on,
Arise from this fallen love,
Victory in my own heart,
A new day dawns,
Our love broken apart,
A day in many,
You've gone away,
To another man,
To still I stay,
Good-bye to our lost love,
Slowly wave good-bye,
See this gentle tear,
Fall from my eye.
© July 31, 1989 Rod Arbogast
End Of Love
I saw you standing there,
Your eyes shine to mine,
I saw you look at me,
I saw your loving eyes shine,
You never took me home,
You locked my heart to yours,
You took my heart away,
Our love took its course,
You looked so innocent,
Yet somehow secure,
Your lips touched mine,
And our love burned pure,
We had our ups and downs,
And our misgivings,
We had our smiles and downs,
Yet we're still living,
I gave you all my heart,
Yet it broke for you,
Now that you're gone,
I know my love was true,
I know the way you act,
It was what we had,
Our happy memories,
That sometimes make us sad,
The tears we cry,
The days we wait,
Our love has flown away,
Arriving all too late,
Then I broke a vow,
And you broke my mind,
Into as special world,
Where I did find,
Heaven awaits those who have found love,
Shining ever bright,
Without you next to me,
My world fell apart,
I have seen misery,
Yet, I still shine,
And am ever strong,
I'll be well of mind,
Before too long,
I'll find myself,
With or without,
You along to roam,
For strength I wish,
For love to heal,
This bullet wound,
In my heart of steel,
Don't know why it happened,
Can't explain it yet,
But you lost this man,
That you can bet,
Growing more everyday,
And finding hope,
To help me along the way,
Leave the drama of your soap,
Change is not in you,
So it's still the same,
Who is hurt?
And who's to blame,
That's the question,
To which there is no answer,
Ask the sage,
And clap for the dancer,
Seek your pot of gold,
And hold to your dreams,
At the end of love,
There are no screams.
© July 24, 1989 Rod Arbogast
Adjustment
To see you shine,
To see your haze,
To see myself,
Alone these days,
To write my thoughts,
To see my soul,
To realize,
I am whole,
To love my brother,
To love my sister,
To see my friends,
To live my Easter,
To rise above,
The golden harm,
To take my life,
And love disarms,
This neck is wrung,
This body weary,
Of pain in life,
With eyes a teary,
Don't cry for you,
Don't cry for me,
Just let it last,
To set us free,
Let love see,
The rising sun,
For life is here,
And I've got one,
To be my friend,
And see my life,
As we had love,
And yet my wife.
© July 25, 1989 Rod Arbogast
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