Playing The Game

I feel the pain for you that is subjected,
I see the despair in your face and eyes,
It's too bad that a person can destroy,
Pieces of happiness hacked from you by lies,

It's devastating when you are betrayed,
You ask yourself "What have I done wrong?"
The confusion you feel at the time it occurs,
Goes away and love fades before to long,

It's hard to sit by and watch you die,
Though eventually you'll see your mistakes,
And learn to see the intentions people have,
The motives of people who just want to take,

You see, we all learn day by day,
We learn to think before we fall prey,
To the animals that lurk about in the night,
Hunting to survive and ensure they will hunt another day,

I see you're a victim of the game,
It doesn't mean you're lost this time,
Just begin a new game and remember,
To search back to your pain and then you'll find,

You can block the move cleverly,
Or formulate a strategy that is reliable,
To bring you closer to a victory,
Or a stalemate that is just survivable,

Stronger with each loss or draw that you collect,
More knowledge you gain with each campaign,
Your enemies learn to fear your name,
And the battlefield is littered and piled with your opponents remains,

The evidence of your minds' growing to know the art of war,
To estimate your opponents move on the battlefield,
To see the opportunity to attack and devastate,
To correct your weakness when too many are killed,

The battlefield is your emotions,
The soldiers your circumstances,
The winner you hope to be you,
For the loser attends no more of these dances.

© July 2, 1995 Rod Arbogast





Deeper Than I Want To Swim

When did I loose my grip?
What had I thought I'd seen?
I smell the scent of degradation,
Something vile and unclean,

My inner force could sense the deceit,
Your lying face wore on it each day,
I sunk into the depths of my core,
I'm free since your mask has ripped away,

Did I stop to thank you?
No, I just smiled in relief,
When you sailed aside and away,
Your ship was dashed upon the reef,

I see the serpents tongue,
And smell its noxious stench,
The toxic damage as it invades,
Your soul, your dreams, your trench,

Good luck and farewell to you,
I hope your fate is kind, by grace,
When your reflection stares back at you,
It's something you can't face,

The malicious years of self-condemnation,
The downward spiral you choose to take again,
I choose to have life and honestly live it,
I wish you well, good-bye my friend,

You can only save yourself, in time,
If you'd wake up from your wonderland,
If you could shake off the obsession,
That puts a needle in your hand,

'Cause you know the feeling,
When you are so decision-less,
And the drug it takes you,
And you begin to possess less,

Of who you really are inside,
Of who you hide behind,
Of what you call a life,
Of the potential of your mind,

Of the strength that holds your life,
Of the visions as a child,
Of your conscience that guides,
And finally your smile,

Short or long it doesn't matter,
Your life it is 'til the end,
May God have mercy on your soul,
Until we meet again,

I'm glad I don't have to pretend,
I'm glad I don't feel remorse,
I pray I haven't been infected,
I hold the helm and set the course,

The sea of viciousness consumes you,
It's deeper than I want to swim,
I know the pleasantness of the abyss,
Many times I've felt its grip,

I've been swimming for long enough,
I need to walk on the shore,
I've had enough of my own tears,
To have been drowned in their sea twice before,

I walk alone my pride intact.

© October 28, 1995 Rod Arbogast





Was This Me?

Inner turmoil consuming some to the core,
How can people go on with such distress?
Their futures are uncertain, as are their temperaments,
Amongst the greatest faults they have when wrong they won't confess,

Struggling to find a neutrality to guide them,
Ending up on the side of anger and hostility,
Quick to judge others by their appearance,
When not being able to see their own fragility,

Do they even exist to themselves or are they specters?
Why have they chosen to follow the easy road?
When the way is longer than they expect it to be,
And the energy the waste increases the burden of their load.

© 1995 Rod Arbogast





Beginning To Surrender

Sitting alone,
Humming to yourself,
Don't be a fool,
Don't show them how you've felt,

And don't worry,
Don't let it bring you low,
Brush it off,
Get up and go,

It's nothing,
Don't even look back,
Shut them out,
Seal the cracks,

Don't even feel,
Or give it a lot of thought,
You have to laugh,
At the lies they thought you bought, A

ll you have,
Is all you do,
Look wisely ahead,
To a better view,

Suffer no more,
Don't you suppress,
All the joy inside,
That you possess,

Your site is clear,
Hindsight magnified,
Only now you know,
Alone you're satisfied,

So sleep alone,
Find who your friends are,
Leave the shit behind,
Fulfill your dreams and heal your scars,

Ride the tide,
Hold your course,
Walk away,
Without remorse.

© October 31, 1995 Rod Arbogast





Dancing Fools

Step right up,
Look right in,
You can't see me,
Deep within,

Shall I quit?
Shall I start?
To pick your tiny,
Brain apart,

How did you?
Get the nerve,
To step up,
And then swerve,

Stand back down,
From your stance,
Before you drop,
From this dance,

Should I be calm?
Should I just fume?
I know the truth,
I didn't presume,

You a whore,
You a tramp,
Promiscuity,
One of the damned,

Glad your gone,
I'm ecstatic,
My behaviors,
Less erratic,

No paranoia,
No worrying,
No loss of sweat,
Just a chicken wing,

Search to find,
A way out,
Out of this nightmare,
That takes you down,

You will learn,
From your deeds,
There's more to living,
Than you will ever see,

Don't rant and rave,
No one's listening,
No one hears,
Your complaining,

Such a waste,
But so it goes,
Another zombie,
Citizen alone,

Searching the world,
Bored again,
Can't stand yourself,
Another minute,

Sinking in,
The whore you are,
Never healing,
Are your scars,

Spit it out,
Listen to your words,
You speak nonsense,
Your lies are absurd,

You become blind,
To the treatment,
You crucify yourself,
Eternal torment,

Such a shame,
Oh well, I guess,
Some people don't learn,
Before their death,

So go to your grave,
With your narcotic grin,
Die a slave,
Addicted to the end.

© October 28, 1995 Rod Arbogast





Groggy From The Pain

Do you think life is peaches and cream?
Doe's your mind still fabricate dreams?
Do you have anything that's real anymore?
You start to walk, then you're thrown to the floor, 

You only try to belong to civilization,
Life goes up and down this is your only realization,
I've grown tired of struggling against the day,
It takes tremendous effort to keep the dogs at bay, 

Maybe I have been going about it all wrong,
Knowing how to rise above it all along,
Just haven't slowed down long enough to hear myself,
Haven't quieted my mind whilst my soul has felt, 

The strength is found within,
In silence answers are given,
You just hope to stay on an even keel,
Hoping to discern what isn't, from what is, real, 

Here is the life you are to live through,
Figure out what you are going to do,
To live the best each day with God's grace,
To keep smiles in your eye's, as you acquire lines on your face.

©  October 11, 1995 Rod Arbogast





The Ride

Let me be alone if I want,
If you want it too,
Let me have a new lease on life,
The old one has expired, yes, it's true,

I've been down before,
I thought I could overcome,
I've done that so far,
With the help of God above, 

Sometimes the time goes so slow,
Loveliness doesn't seem to fade,
Sometimes the days are so very cold,
Sometimes the nights are gray,

But, I have overcome,
Some of my own fears,
And I have begun,
To live through the years,

I've learned what it takes,
To wash the fear away,
I've realized,
Each day is a new day, 

Shout if I feel the need,
Scream for release,
If I didn't do it sometimes,
I'd have to medicate myself to sleep,

The days are difficult at times,
And the barriers are high,
But, there's always tomorrow,
Kick the engine over and ride, 

Keep the wind in my hair,
The road under my wheels,
Wrench the throttle to full speed,
Lean back and enjoy the way I feel,

As I ride into the sunset,
The landscape rushes by me,
I feel the spirit of the eagle,
As the thunder roars beneath me. 

© October 31, 1995 Rod Arbogast





Tired Of Fighting

I thought I was lost before now,
I see though there is hope for me,
I must have gotten lost in my own mood,
Isn't it funny how things change eventually?
How could I have walked away from me?
When I am the only one I can trust to be there,
Haven't thought about what the future holds,
But I know I am the one who has to care,
Even though I am broke in every since of the word,
My inner light is still twinkling,
I'd get my shit together if I could stabilize,
Or if I could get the inkling,
To get it together once again,
To start to live again my friend,
Before I collapse and fall down weary,
And not have the strength to hold up my chin,
It seems to come and go along this chain of links,
I am just glad it recedes away from me sometimes,
Does the viciousness get any worse for me?
Sometimes it's harsh and sometimes it's out of line,
Always controllable, yet, seems unbearable,
The depths it sends me to are intense,
Seasons change and I am Metamorphisized,
My shell changed again to form my defense, 

© October 16, 1995 Rod Arbogast





Open Wounds 

Scars, ugly scars, that force them out,
The deadening, of my feelings each day,
Is an abomination to all who care,
And a blockade against all who betray,

It's not something that I am proud of,
But, something I have adjusted to,
Something that is always inside my being,
Each minute I feel a new tinge of blue, 

Distressed people, won't they see what I see?
I have to keep all of them away from me,
Constantly talking about things that don't even matter,
I need to do some investigating, to dig up things that are halting my laughter, 

All I feel is a deep disgust,
At seeming like a fool to some,
But, I know the truth about me,
I'm not slow, dull, boring or dumb,

My eye's have no blinders on them,
I see like an eagle, how the world is cruel,
I just choose to ignore some of the things,
That are demonstrated by fools.

©  November 11, 1994 Rod Arbogast





Tired Of It

I can't change anyone else,
Only do the things to better my self, 
I'm learning I can't do it alone,
When I try I turn to bones, 

I'm the only one who pays for my mistakes,
In the end there are no breaks,
I'm the only one to say no to illusions I see,
To stop the illnesses that invade me, 

I've got to be stronger day by day,
Leave behind my depression for a better way, 
People are out there and there's a lot of love,
All those people who are moved by him above,

To try and heal those who suffer the ills,
From childhood trauma, poverty, needless pills and bills, 
I've been sick blind and deafened by intoxicants,
Trying to deaden the pain of broken commitments,

Self-abuse and neglect of myself in the past,
All the time numbing the feelings I should have cast, 
Cast behind me and went ahead with my life,
I need to forgive those things and live my time,

There's better things out there than a haze of mind,
And red glazed eyes that become blind,

© January 4, 1993 Rod Arbogast





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